Today, I fully expected to pick up where I left off yesterday. For me the next reasonable step was to begin examining my why’s.
Why have I put myself in this position? Why do I continue to assist others in reaching their goals and realizing their dreams at the expense of my own? Is it fear? Greed? Competition? Inadequacy?
However, instead of exploring these very important questions, I remained stuck on one, single, solitary thought…
How will I “break up” with all my freelance clients? How will I tell them, “It’s over.” How will I get them to understand that “it’s me, not them?”
Instead of facing the Why’s, I’ve gotten all ahead of myself and have fast-forwarded to the How’s.
My amazing friend Angie Mizzell, whom I mentioned in my last post, asked my advice today on a completely unrelated topic. She asked, “How do you find the courage…?” I had all the answers as they pertained to the topic we were discussing. Ironically, as it pertains to clearing my plate of all projects that distract me from my dreams, I don’t seem to have a clue.
Since she and I ended our conversation, all I can seem to ask myself is, “How do I find the courage?”
All day, I’ve tussled with this.
This evening, around 9:30 pm, my family and I popped The Karate Kid (the remake with Jaden Smith) into the DVD player. The kids were spread out on the floor and couches with blankets, pillows and stuffed animals. I sat here, on my corner of the couch, laptop open, staring at a blank “Add New Post” screen.
As the movie began, I couldn’t help notice how this mother and son were in the midst of making life changes that would inevitably lead to Clarity. Within the first 15 minutes of the movie, this mother and son arrive in a new place…China. And as they are taking in their new surroundings–uncertainty all around–a song is playing in the background.
That song spoke to me. It brought everything I’ve been feeling today into focus, and it answered my new question of How.
How do I find the courage?
The answer is: I may never find the courage.
How do I end these relationships with my freelance clients?
By Saying What I Need to Say…whether I’m courageous or not.
Thank you, Angie. Thank you, kids for wanting to watch The Karate Kid. And Thank you, John Mayer.