Tag Archive | Festering

Ignoring the signs, claming clarity

With less than 2 months remaining in my 30s, which I like to refer to as my Decade of Discovery, I am still learning new and profound things about myself. I realize the learning process spans the entirety of our lives; however, what I am referring to here is my personal discovery process–my attempt to truly reveal to myself who I am and what makes me tick–getting to the heart of ME. To have unearthed something so crucial at what I had hoped would be a “wrapping up” period of sorts is very eye opening.

I have been so looking forward to turning 40. I have been preparing myself to carry a wise woman with true knowledge of self, her desires, her dreams, her passions and her thoughts over the threshhold. I have been prepping to take my new and improved self, aware and fully present, from the Decade of Discovery into what I call the Decade of Enlightenment.

And then, all of a sudden, a very crucial discovery comes along…I fester! At a time when Clarity is so vital to my self discovery, I have realized that I FESTER!

Let me explain something…You cannot expect to achieve true Clarity–clearness of heart, mind and soul–if you allow yourself to fester. It’s toxic! That’s like striving to have perfectly functioning lungs, yet each day you are breathing in poisonous gases! It’s absurd! And one thing I refuse to be is an ABSURDITY!

I have always been a straight-shooter–truth in my voice, emotions on my sleeve, expressions on my face…the whole nine. In fact, in my younger years, I was so direct that I was often referred to as blunt–which is not exactly a compliment. I was very fiesty and bold. I am still fiesty and bold now…it contributes to my Sassiness. However, the difference between my fiestiness and boldness now versus then is that, back then, I wouldn’t hesitate to allow it to be fueled by temper. Tempermental, fiesty AND bold…not always a good combo.

I have since matured. Over the years, I adopted the concept of “Choose Your Battles,” and my perspective on certain things changed. Bottom line…some issues were just not worth my time or energy to even address.

But then another shift ocurred. I began to let TOO many things go. And I was letting them go in an effort to keep the peace. Well, oftentimes when you “think” you’ve let something go, you’ve actually just internalized it. You’ve absorbed something undesirable. This wretched habit of internalizing is dishonest, untrue and unfair to self and others. You cnnot sustain meaningful relationships if you are depriving those you care for of knowing and seeing ALL of you. How can your relationship transcend? How can you transcend?

Swallowing your true feelings about issues will eventually cause you such internal turmoil that you begin to fester. And festering eventually leads to a Boiling Over…an Explosion of Emotions that can damage and even destroy a relationship.

I’m not suggesting that you unload on those you love every chance you get. What I’m saying is that you should never carry excess weight or be emotionally burdened when all you had to do in the beginning was communicate. Open and honest communication of your true feelings and thoughts will give you mental clarity and free you of any unnecessary junk.

So, why do we harbor important feelings and allow ourselves to fester? We do it because we ASSUME. We ASSUME that the other person will not respond favorably to the sharing of our emotions.

We think things like:

  • “He/she might get upset if I say this.”
  • “This could just end up starting an argument.”
  • “He/she will never take this the way it’s intended.”
  • “This is probably not the right time to bring this up.”

Making assumptions about others is not fair. Anyone in a real relationship with you will value your thoughts and feelings.

When you make assumptions in your relationships, you are unfairly creating Relationship Warning Signs. You are putting up emotional “STOP,” “WARNING,” “CAUTION,” and “YIELD” signs where they do not belong.

Does this mean you should just blurt out your feelings abruptly without regard for another? Of course not. There is always a way to share your feelings without crushing those of someone else. In other words, choose the CORRECT words instead of choosing NONE at all.

I have been doing this…harboring…festering…and blowing up! But, no more. I have made the conscious decision to ignore the self-imposed Relationship Warning Signs. I have chosen to push past them and enter a place of mental clarity, peace of mind and emotional freedom!

I recently boiled over after allowing myself to fester. I went for a drive to clear my head. This warning sign stood in between me and this beautiful view. In an instant, it all became clear.

Won’t you join me?!

What toxins have you allowed to block your Clarity? Please share below.

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See you in the comments!