A better understanding…

In the early morning hours on June 15th, I published a blog post about my tumultuous relationship with Time.

I listened to the ticking of the clocks in my home, and I reflected upon the profound significance of Time while this beautiful melody played in the background of my mind.

As I reflected on my feelings regarding tasks left undone, thoughts left unexplored, words and experiences unshared, I concluded that I needed to “find me a better understanding.” I needed to gain a new perspective, a reformed way of seeing things. However, in order for one to truly attain a new position and achieve a heightened level of understanding and awareness; a jolt, a push, an event, a revelation, an epiphany–some sort of catalyst–needs to occur.

24 hours later, my jolt came; my alarm sounded, and I was awakened.

On June 16th, a beautiful life paid the ultimate price of Time. Marley Lion was harshly and abruptly taken from us. At the tender age of 17, still just a baby, he was brutally murdered…gunned down.

His Time ended…yet, ours continues on.

Amazing how Time can begin, end and continuously exist…simultaneously–these complexities are what make Time so precious.

I wish my nudge toward “better understanding” could have come in a less traumatic way, but it’s too late for that now.

Marley’s death is a tragedy, but it would be even more tragic to allow his death to be in vain. It would be a tremendous disservice to self and to his memory to be blind to the lessons–and there are many–that live within this chaotic time. Even more so, those affected by this cannot allow his life to be in vain, either. We must find the message in both the way he lived AND the way he died.

A special friend shared a very basic, yet profound statement:

If Your Crop Had Constant Sun It Would Burn Up and Die. In Order To Grow, It Also Needs Rain. In Fact, Sprouting Is Escalated After A Good Downpour. Isn’t It TRUE, That While The Sun Sustained You Day By Day, It Was STORMS That Generated The Most Significant Growth (Lessons Learned) In Your Life. Those Very Storms Have You Here NOW…Still Standing, Stronger Even. ~ Hoe Mama

We have to soak up the emotions, the lessons and the insights of this “downpour.” It’s the only way we can grow…grow towards the light. I must allow my tears to water my spirit, quench my wisdom, nuture my humanity and strengthen my faith…We all have to.

Marley is gone from us, and I keep coming back to that same song, the melody, the lyrics…

“You and me are running out of time…”

It’s true. We ARE running out of Time. Are we going to allow that reality cause us to remain stagnant? To live in fear and doubt? To break us down and eat away at our faith? To destroy our hopes and steal our dreams? OR…will we use it to fuel our passions? To propel us forward? To inspire us to live a good life to the fullest? To love hopelessly? To dance endlessly? To walk on our journeys courageously?


The choice is ours!

These  ARE everchanging times…But if we hold on to each moment, seize every opportunity, share without reservation and love without fear, then, when we see the clock upon on the wall, it won’t bother us at all.

Thank you Marley Kanoelani Lion…

Thank you for giving me A Better Understanding…

The clock upon the wall…

I see the clock upon the wall…but, right now, it still bothers me…



Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years…

It all goes by so quickly. There never seems to be enough Time. And yet, Time is the one thing that all other things depend upon.

The Clock…it’s just an instrument–an instrument used to measure Time, a transcendental concept capable of having a beginning and an ending while still existing. Quite philosophical.

How is it that something so abstract…something completely intangible…something that cannot be tasted, seen, smelled or heard…how is it so intertwined in all we do?

Time is a crucial part of our lives. It is by far the most precious and sought after resource. We spend Time; we waste Time; we kill Time; we lose it; we gain it. We run out of Time; we share Time; we have some to spare. We watch Time…we reflect on it…we fantasize about it. We need it to dream and plan and grow and live and love and dance! We need it to be still. We need it to slow down. We need it to speed up. We need it to wait for us. We need it in order to catch up.

I have been struggling with Time for quite a while. My eyes are always fixed on The clock upon the wall...  I am always measuring how much Time I have, how much I’ve spent, how much I need, or how I need it to creep so that I can soak up the moments, learn the lessons and appreciate the memories…

Being a wife, a mother of 8, a business owner and a writer requires enormous amounts of Time, especially when it is my desire to do these things well. They all require full commitment, being completely present, being in the moment–again, descriptions that reflect the significance of Time.

Some days, my Time–what precious little I have–is used wisely and efficiently. However, there are those days–and there are many–where Time is an angry, bucking bull and I’m holding on for dear life, being tossed and thrown about, not knowing whether I’m coming or going, wishing to just make it out alive.

That’s where I’ve been the last 3 weeks…at the “Time is beating the hell out of me” Rodeo!

So many things have happened…things profound, momentous and thought-provoking. So many circumstances and situations that deeply inspired me to write and share, but I didn’t have the Time.

~My baby brother got married. I didn’t write because I didn’t have the Time.

~My son Brandon graduated from high school…I didn’t have the Time.

~My son Noah graduated from elementary school…again no Time.

~I went home to Louisiana for the first time since my Parrain died…and I still had no Time.

The past 3 weeks has been a whirlwind of emotions, preparations, appointments, activities, obligations, travel, commitments, etc. One day seems to spill into the next, and the next, and the next.

And you know, I’m not really certain what the purpose of this blog post is. I have not arrived at any sort of solution for this. I’ve had no epiphany…no revelation. In fact, it has taken me so much Time to even write this.

Maybe the point here is that there is no solution…

Or maybe, just maybe, the solution lies within the problem…

Perhaps, The clock upon the wall…serves as a reminder to observe the here and now rather than focus on what is yet to be.

Maybe the only way to tackle the beast of Time is to dance with it, toe-to-toe, in-sync with the rhythm, no longer trying to race it, realizing it is impossible for us to win.

As I sit here writing this, listening to the synchronized ticking of the clock on my fireplace mantle and the one on the kitchen wall, I’m reminded of an old song entitled Everchanging Times by Siedah Garrett…the theme from the movie Baby Boom.

I’m reflecting on the lyrics…(Click here to listen)

And these, are everchanging times
Everything is going so much faster
It seems like I’m
Watching my life, and everything I do
Wondering if the dreams that I believed in
Still come true

Caught in between, it comes back to
You and me are running out of time, I gotta find me a better understanding
Every day keeps forgetting what’s mine, I gotta find me a way, less-demanding
And we’re holding on so tight, together, all of our lives

And I, I had some big idea
So much of my life, still not completed
Hopes and Fears
Watching it change, into something new
Wondering it I’m gonna find the answer, loving you

All of my life, it comes back to
You and me are running out of time, I gotta find me a better understanding
Every day keeps forgetting what’s mine, I gotta find me a way, less-demanding
And we’re holding on so tight, together, all of our lives

But, it don’t bother me at all
It’s an everchanging time
I see, that clock upon the wall, it don’t bother me at all
It’s an everchanging time

All of my life, it comes back to
You and me are running out of time, I gotta find me a better understanding
Every day keeps forgetting what’s mine, I gotta find me a way, less-demanding
And we’re holding on so tight, together
And we’re gonna be alright, together, all of our lives

I see that clock upon the wall, it don’t bother me at all
It’s an everchanging time

Maybe the answer lies within the lyrics of this song. Perhaps I need to find a “better understanding” and a “way, less demanding.” Maybe then, when I see The clock upon the wall…maybe it won’t bother me at all…eventually.


I’d love for you to follow my blog, leave a comment and share with a friend.