In my twenties, I knew it all! Or so I thought. I was stubborn and strong-willed and convinced I had it all together, despite the crumbling walls that enclosed me. I had no idea who I was, what Life was really about or what my purpose was in it. I was a selfish, hungry caterpillar, whose prime purpose was to feed my EGO. I didn’t intentionally set out to be selfish; however, like most “twenty-somethings,” it was all about me.
When I reached my thirties, I was swiftly smacked with the realization I actually knew nothing at all! All the truths I held dear began to unravel, and I was thrust into a Decade of Discovery–a time to develop, explore and transform into the real me. During the early years of this decade, I was unsure, doubtful, fearful. I longed for the comfort I had created in my disillusioned twenties. Although that was the time I lacked purpose and was severely misguided, I had created comfort for myself. And even though the security and self-esteem of my twenties was created through immature tactics and lies I told myself, it was still comfort all the same.
Once I entered my thirties and recognized there was much work to be done, I had to become comfortable with the unknown…the unanswered questions…the uncertain outcomes. I had to learn that it was okay to spend time in the dark, uncomfortable places because it is only then that we grow. My thirties can easily be equated with entering a cocoon, where a magical transformation occurred.
When my 40th birthday arrived, I was ready! I had emerged from that metamorphosis knowing exactly who I was, ready to share my newly found sense of purpose and womanhood with the world. I had emerged as a beautiful butterfly, ready to test out my wings.
40 marked my New Beginning…a new decade…a new journey. It was to be one of Enlightenment. There I was on the threshold. Walking through the doorway, away from being a girlish imitation of a woman and into being a fully grown, fully matured woman with a voice.
And at 40, I stood there, gazing out into vast ocean of possibilities, excited by all that lay before me. Dismal clouds of fear, comfort and self-doubt were far in distance. And I stood there, a lovely Butterfly, God’s love and light shining upon me, illuminating all that was in store. I spent a year testing the waters, spreading my wings just enough to exercise them, but not quite enough to show that I had truly accepted my Purpose. And I continued to stand there, gazing upon the waters of possibility that made the Decade of Enlightenment so phenomenal…patiently awaiting the day when I would dive right in.
And when the day came, I knew…
I knew that at 40, I had to continue to reflect, continue to prepare, continue to take it all in. The sun had risen on my new day, but I had to wait for each inspirational ray to fill the sky, warm my skin and illuminate all that was designed for me.
As I approached my 41st birthday, I had an epiphany. I realized why I had been waiting…why I had moments of forward momentum followed by long periods of rest. In that realization, I discovered the difference between being 40 and being in your 40s. Being 40 means having the wings and testing them out. Being 41, means having the confidence to spread them far and wide. Being 40 means standing on the side…standing in the doorway…standing at the threshold, watching, waiting patiently. 41 symbolizes the jumping right in.
And so I did…
On Tuesday, October 1, 2013, I jumped right in. With complete trust, faith, hope and love, I jumped into all that God has prepared for me. I am committed to my purpose with no fear of the future.
And I have the promise that with each passing year, my Purpose will continue to become clearer and clearer, and my Decade of Enlightenment will become more fruitful and more gratifying than ever.
How will you live life on Purpose?