I opened my eyes this morning, and, no sooner than my feet hit the floor, my thoughts were consumed with “I gotta…”
“I gotta” meet this deadline. “I gotta” meet that deadline. “I gotta” deadline approaching next week. “I gotta” get that project done. “I gotta,” at least, brainstorm on the other.
Every “I gotta”–each having absolutely nothing to do with my current business and career goals–left me filled with angst, turmoil and breathlessness.
When you find yourself sighing, huffing, puffing, gasping for air at the very thought of a task or tasks at hand, then that is a sure indicator that it should be removed from your list of obligations.
You see, Time is so precious, valuable and, in my case, limited. I only have so much with which to work. My sweet friend and fellow writer, Angie Mizzell, says it best…”Working in between the cracks!” Any woman who juggles marriage, motherhood, career and individuality knows exactly what that means. Sometimes, we only have small shreds of time to channel our creativity and talents into something productive and meaningful. Sometimes, it’s 20 minutes…Sometimes, you’re fortunate enough to get an hour…Sometimes, only a mere fraction of that.
When my tiny slivers of time are filled with “I gotta’s” that solely benefit someone else, then “I gotta” problem with that.
It feels like I’m flying down the tracks on a runaway train that’s sure to crash and burn.
You’ve seen the movies and cartoons. Some damsel in distress is trapped on board a train car with no engineer, no conductor, no brakes and the track abruptly ends at the cliff of a mountain. She’s yelling for help, and her hero risks it all to bravely save her just in the nick of time.
Humph! How convenient…
In my story, my only hero is me. If I want to be saved, I’ll have to do it myself.
But before I can even begin to devise a plan of escape, I must first understand why. Why did I re-board this same train? And why did I do so after I had already claimed and embraced my Clarity?
Am I placing the dreams of others ahead of my own out of fear? Fear of what? Fear of failure? Fear of success?
Am I piling more and more on my plate out of greed? An insatiable thirst to be seen as some type of Superwoman?
Is it out of competition? Or a need to prove myself?
I need the answers! I fully intend to explore all of these questions and more, because the only thing “I Gotta” do is Get Off of this Runaway Train!