I am one week into my journey to find Clarity, Simplicity and the Basics–my theme for my month long Ultimate Blog Challenge. Ironically, this month is National Stress Awareness Month, and I firmly believe in order to conquer stress, we must first have Clarity.
I find myself struggling to grasp and hold onto simplicity as a result of the additional work commitments that I have hoisted upon my already tired and beaten shoulders. These additional obligations–freelance writing jobs and other professional projects–devour my time and leave me feeling overburdened and uninspired. Because they cast me into a role of support for another company, organization or individual’s work-related missions and interests, they have become distractions designed to prevent me from actualizing my own dreams, passions and goals.
Over the course of the last 7 days, I have forced myself to come face-to-face with my concerns in an effort not only to find a solution, but also to prevent the same situation from recurring in the future. Consequently, I’ve noticed that my blog content has shifted from speech that was geared towards lifting and inspiring women, as well as myself, as a collective whole to now being worded in a manner that seems self serving. My message, that once used “we” and “us,” is now ladled with “I” and “me.”
This is very strange for me.
I realize that in order to do “personal work” and make effective changes “within,” I must turn inward…reflect…and, ultimately, take a long hard look at myself. Clearly, if I am sharing a specific, personal journal on a public platform, then, yes, the attention will be directed upon me.
However, I am cautious about such things. To me, there is a fine line between self-assurance and self-indulgence. A fine line between selfless and selfish.
I also realize in order to uncover what’s hidden, you must sit with the awkwardness and discomfort. You cannot grow and evolve if you are never willing to explore life beyond the boundaries of restrictive comfort zones.
In typing this, I also realize something else…could this strange discomfort I feel when focusing on “I” and “me”…could this be at the heart of my constant battle with putting the dreams of others ahead of my own? Am I too uncomfortable to focus on myself and, thus, push my aspirations aside to help someone else attain theirs? Am I sabotaging myself by piling my plate full of duties designed to support the missions of others in order to avoid shining the light on my talents and efforts? I’ve always been self-confident, self-assured, with a positive self-image. But could I be too selfless?
Until now, I have always prided myself on my ability to motivate and encourage the collective…to teach and inspire through my own personal experiences and thoughts without making it all about me. Now that I am faced with it being “all about me,” I seem to have stumbled upon valuable information…an intuitive gem!
This definitely gives me more to consider when I explore the why’s.
Until then, I will continue Sitting with Self, Amidst Awkwardness and Discomfort.